Hump Day!

Oh! Here we are Wednesday! The older I get, the faster the time goes! Do you ever have one of those days where you pretty much feel 5000 years old? You wake up and think...How in the hell did I get here? I was sure last night that I was only 16 years old. Now the morning is here and I have a mortgage, a job, a husband and Grown Kids! This morning on my way to work I was listening to the radio and a little ditty from 1982 comes popping on..."Sharif don't like it-Rock the Casbah, Rock the Casbah!" And of course the radio DJ has to remind me just how old I am by informing the listeners that  31 years ago the Clash made that song popular! 31 years ago I was 16 years old! God help me!

On my way to work I ask myself once again...HOW DID I GET HERE? Somehow I rationalize that I must have been lost in the Matrix for a while because certainly time would have moved slower? I have a 19 year old son and a 21 year old son. I am middle aged! I have wrinkles and lines on my face. I have aches and pains, I have to color my hair more often. I no longer can go days with very little sleep. Sometimes I complain that the music is too loud. Often I have hot flashes. Some days I avoid the mirror altogether because I fear of what's in the reflection. My past is like some kind of weird dream. Did it really happen that way? Did I actually do those things? Live that life? There were quite a few years that I was sick, depressed and oppressed. From about 28 till about 34 seems like a blur. There are days I want to go back and change some things. Or maybe just spend one day back when I was 16. I would make sure I'd tell my young self to not wish my life away. I spent most of the time wishing that I was 13, 16, 18, 21, wishing I was married, wishing I had kids, wishing I was divorced, wishing I was married again, wishing my kids weren't so little, wishing my kids were older, wishing I had a better job, wishing I lived in different place, wishing I were thinner, and now wishing I were younger!


Seems like my wishes never end....What do I have to show for my life? For a lot of years I felt I hadn't accomplished much. As I was driving down the road this morning I realized I am blessed...TRULY I AM.

I have a family that means the world to me and whom  I love. I have two handsome, kind, wonderful sons who grew into men that I am very proud of. I still have my parents and they are a joy to have around. I have a career that I am proud of. 25 years in the book business is quite an accomplishment in this day and age. I also live in a wonderful home, which might be rough around the edges, but it's mine and I have worked hard to keep it. I share my life with a beautiful soul inside and out. He is my soul mate. I waited a very long time for him to come along. Not many people have that happy ending with love, I am thankful that I am allowed to experience it.

So yeah I am blessed! I am happy and I am content!
Bring on the Grandkids and traveling adventures I am ready!

Dexter why?

Ok Why do I feel so cheated with the final episode of Dexter? As my dear hubby sat there gleefully smiling as all was revealed, I sat there stunned. "I hate this! I hate this! It's Sopranos all over again!" I yelled! My better half thought otherwise. "Yeah! I Love it! It's perfect! What a befitting way to end!"


Why? I stared at my dearly beloved, how could he even feel that way?  I said, "Look at him, he's so unhappy! I don't want Dexter to be unhappy! No one had a happy ending! No one! Not Deb, Not Batista, Harrison, Hannah, or Quinn!"

What does my sweetie say to this?  "How do you know Dexter is unhappy?  To which I said, 'Look at him! He is miserable! "

"Well maybe he was having a bad day? Hey it can't be that bad, he escaped, he can start over and begin the killing once again. He doesn't have to worry about people knowing! And besides he can tap a hooker from time to time when he gets lonely!"

And yet I still love this man! (He does somewhat make sense)

So maybe I am not so outraged? I've had time to ponder on the ending and realize that rarely in life do we get a happy ending. For 8 seasons I have loved Dexter and cheered when he killed the bad guys and bit my nails when someone got too close and was about to stumble on his secret. I have spent the last seasons also wishing they'd off Deb Morgan. That character was so annoying! She whined continuously, cursed profusely, couldn't pick a decent man if her life depended on it. I kept hoping that one of those diabolical killers that Dexter tracked down and killed would end my suffering and pain from watching Deborah Morgan and her desperate pathetic life! So finally the last episode I got to see it, and you know what? It made me sad! Who knew?

Ok Bring on Walking Dead and American Horror Story Coven!