Hump Day!

Oh! Here we are Wednesday! The older I get, the faster the time goes! Do you ever have one of those days where you pretty much feel 5000 years old? You wake up and think...How in the hell did I get here? I was sure last night that I was only 16 years old. Now the morning is here and I have a mortgage, a job, a husband and Grown Kids! This morning on my way to work I was listening to the radio and a little ditty from 1982 comes popping on..."Sharif don't like it-Rock the Casbah, Rock the Casbah!" And of course the radio DJ has to remind me just how old I am by informing the listeners that  31 years ago the Clash made that song popular! 31 years ago I was 16 years old! God help me!

On my way to work I ask myself once again...HOW DID I GET HERE? Somehow I rationalize that I must have been lost in the Matrix for a while because certainly time would have moved slower? I have a 19 year old son and a 21 year old son. I am middle aged! I have wrinkles and lines on my face. I have aches and pains, I have to color my hair more often. I no longer can go days with very little sleep. Sometimes I complain that the music is too loud. Often I have hot flashes. Some days I avoid the mirror altogether because I fear of what's in the reflection. My past is like some kind of weird dream. Did it really happen that way? Did I actually do those things? Live that life? There were quite a few years that I was sick, depressed and oppressed. From about 28 till about 34 seems like a blur. There are days I want to go back and change some things. Or maybe just spend one day back when I was 16. I would make sure I'd tell my young self to not wish my life away. I spent most of the time wishing that I was 13, 16, 18, 21, wishing I was married, wishing I had kids, wishing I was divorced, wishing I was married again, wishing my kids weren't so little, wishing my kids were older, wishing I had a better job, wishing I lived in different place, wishing I were thinner, and now wishing I were younger!


Seems like my wishes never end....What do I have to show for my life? For a lot of years I felt I hadn't accomplished much. As I was driving down the road this morning I realized I am blessed...TRULY I AM.

I have a family that means the world to me and whom  I love. I have two handsome, kind, wonderful sons who grew into men that I am very proud of. I still have my parents and they are a joy to have around. I have a career that I am proud of. 25 years in the book business is quite an accomplishment in this day and age. I also live in a wonderful home, which might be rough around the edges, but it's mine and I have worked hard to keep it. I share my life with a beautiful soul inside and out. He is my soul mate. I waited a very long time for him to come along. Not many people have that happy ending with love, I am thankful that I am allowed to experience it.

So yeah I am blessed! I am happy and I am content!
Bring on the Grandkids and traveling adventures I am ready!